The Facts of Life Read online

  And the bankers are taking

  My home and my land from me

  There's a big aching hole in my chest now

  Where my heart was

  And a hole in the sky where God used to be

  There's a home place under fire tonight

  In the heartland

  There's a well with water so bitter nobody can drink

  Ain't no way to get high, and my mouth is so dry

  That I can't speak

  Don't they know that I'm dying?

  Why's nobody crying for me?

  My American dream

  Fell apart at the seams

  You tell me what it means

  You tell me what it means

  There's a home place under fire tonight

  In the heartland

  The bankers are taking my home and my land away

  There's a young boy closing his eyes tonight

  In the heartland

  Who will wake up a man with a home and a loan

  He can't pay

  His American dream

  Fell apart at the seams

  You tell me what it means

  You tell me what it means

  My American dream

  Fell apart at the seams

  You tell me what it means

  You tell me what it means

  There's a home place under fire tonight

  In the heartland

  FARM AID WILL HAPPEN IN INDIANA on September 29, 2001. I hope it all goes well. I'm sure it will. It's in the middle of the farm belt and John Mellencamp's home state. It will be possible to show the Capitol Hill crowd that there are still some of us who believe in the small family farmer, the first rung on the economic ladder. When you see things going wrong in a country, the first thing you should do is look at how family farmers are treated. How are we treating the first rung on our ladder? Because when the backbone of our country is broken and the first rung on the ladder is weakened, everything collapses. We all come crashing down. You can cut taxes all you want. You can do everything in this world for every other rung on the ladder. But when the family farmer goes under, it's just a matter of time before everyone else follows.

  We had well over eight million small family farmers, and now we're down to two million, losing three hundred to five hundred a week. If we don't get a farm bill, a good one, there will be no more small family farmers left. Farm Aid will help all we can, because someone has to repair that bottom rung of the ladder, and time is of the essence. The reason every civilization has gone under in the past was because of an inability to feed its people. We are running out of time.

  Speaking of time, there was a man standing in an orchard holding a pig by its hind legs. The farmer held the pig up and the pig would take the apples out of the trees with his mouth and drop them into a basket below. As soon as he picked one apple and dropped it into the basket, he would reach for another one. A man passing by stopped to watch. He said, “I'll bet it took a long time to teach that pig to do that!”

  The guy said, “Oh, time don't mean nothing to a pig!”

  Back to the farmer: Both Democrats and Republicans are going to have to agree in order to pass a new farm bill. The factory farms are the worst possible things we can do to the people, the environment, and the general health of everyone. We have already seen the dangers of disease in our livestock. Mad cow disease, foot-and-mouth disease—there are all kinds of diseases which, according to government reports, “may or may not be harmful to humans.” Either way, it's easier for small family farmers to insure a healthier climate on the farm, because there are a few pigs on a few acres of ground, or a variety of products spread over several hundred acres—not a hundred thousand pigs in one big pigpen outside your retirement home in the country. The flies and smell from the waste is unbearable for miles. Just ask any of the people who live there. I daresay that there are no politicians living in those areas, or they would be screaming at the top of their lungs.

  I hear politicians from both parties debating various issues on TV or radio talk shows—tax breaks for the wealthy, health benefits for the poor, social security benefits for the old, medicine and drug costs. No one mentions the family farmer. This is because there are millions and millions of dollars spent each year by big food conglomerates who want to keep things just the way they are. Hopefully someone with balls will come out against the money that keeps the farmer down. So far, the brave guys have been beaten back. Keep fighting! There are a lot of farmers and ranchers who need your help.

  FIVE POINT AGENDA FOR SAVING FAMILY FARMERS AND RECLAIMING RURAL AMERICA

  Pass a farm bill that will restore a fair price for farmers:

  Establish price supports to ensure that farm income comes from the marketplace and not from taxpayers.

  Create a farmer-owned reserve to ensure food security in times of scarcity and price stability in times of plenty.

  Avoid wasteful overproduction through inventory management.

  Maintain planting flexibility.

  Establish national dairy policy to ensure a farmer's cost of production plus a return on investment.

  Restore competition through strict enforcement of antitrust law.

  Place a moratorium on mergers and acquisitions in agribusiness, transportation, food processing, manufacturing, and retail companies.

  Require strict enforcement of the Packers and Stockyards Act to end price discrimination.

  Enact a ban on packer ownership of livestock.

  Protect consumers and the environment.

  Require labeling of meat and other foods imported into the U.S. to give consumers the right to know and choose the country of origin of their food.

  Stop the expansion of large-scale factory farms.

  Protect environmentally fragile lands and habitats.

  Eliminate industry subsidies paid by independent producers.

  Hold referenda on the mandatory pork and beef checkoffs as petitioned by independent producers to break up corporate control of livestock.

  Oppose governmental nominations that represent the interests of corporate agriculture.

  Negotiate fair trade agreements.

  Ensure that all countries retain the right to develop farm programs that respond to the needs of their farmers and consumers.

  Put an end to export dumping (the sale of commodities below the cost of production), which undermines our domestic economy.

  Ensure that environmental protection, fair wages, and workers rights are part of every trade agreement.

  This lady was driving through the country and saw a man making love to a sheep out behind the barn. She drove into town and reported the incident to the police. At the trial, the judge said, “OK, lady. Exactly what did you see?”

  The lady said, “Your honor, I was driving down this country road and I saw a man making love to a sheep. You're not going to believe this part. When they were through making love, the sheep curled up next to the guy, put its head on the guy 's shoulder, and just went to sleep.”

  One guy on the jury leaned over to another juror and whispered, “Yeah, they'll do that!”

  ANOTHER THING THAT I'M DEFINITELY AGAINST are the genetically altered foods they are trying to shove down our throats. Something wrong is going on. Fortunately, the American public is demanding more and more organic foods. They want a tomato to taste like a tomato instead of having no taste at all. More people remember the difference and are insisting on better quality foods for their families. As more and more people are offered a choice between organic and pesticide-filled nonorganic foods, they are choosing the healthier organic foods.

  IT'S 1:30 IN the morning, March 19.

  I believe I'll have an organic hit and hit the hay. 'Nite all.

  Wednesday, March 21

  DR. RED DUKE IS ONE OF the best doctors I know, if not the best. He came from the same part of Texas I did, where a hard head makes a sore ass and the truth shall set you free. Red is one of the best friends I have, and he is by far
the best friend a sick picker can have. Just this year he has saved the lives of two of my best picker friends. I won't mention their names in case they write a hot check for the hospital bill.

  Dr. Duke was the doctor who had treated my mother before she died. Dr. Duke was at the funeral. Later, my father-in-law went to him with lung cancer. He died. Dr. Duke was at that funeral. After the funeral, I jokingly said to Dr. Duke, “If you don't quit losing them I'm going to quit sending them to you.”

  He looked at me with that Hill County grin and said, “Willie, you're just going to have to get them to me earlier.”

  Red was telling me today about the new Red Ass Salve. Just as you start to feel the symptoms, rub a little on the affected area. If irritation persists, and you find yourself in the advanced stages, you should stick the whole jar up your ass.

  I heard one of the band members say the other day that his wife was using some kind of cream on her breasts to make them bigger. He told her, “Use some toilet paper. Look what it's done for your ass!”

  The picker shall remain nameless for security reasons.

  THE GUY WOKE UP next to this strange girl and said, “You don't have AIDS, do you?” She said no. Then he said, “Good. I can't afford to catch that shit again!”

  THE FATHER WAS RESISTING being put into a nursing home. After hours of arguing, he was finally persuaded to go. The first day he called and said, “Thank you, son. I can't tell you how much I love it here. Thank you for talking me into it.”

  The son said, “Well, what happened?”

  He said, “This morning a beautiful nurse came in, bathed me all over, and then gave me the best head I have ever had. Son, it's just heaven! Thanks again.”

  Me and Paul

  The next day, the father was back on the phone. “Son, you've got to get me out of here.”

  “Why Dad?”

  “Son, I was walking down the hallway to the bathroom and I fell down. This big guy jumped on me and screwed me in the ass for an hour.”

  “Well, Dad. Remember all the fun you had yesterday?”

  The dad said, “Son, I just get a hard-on every now and then, but I fall down two or three times a day!”

  Me and Paul

  It's been rough and rocky traveling

  But I'm finally standing upright on the ground

  After taking several readings

  I'm surprised to find my mind's still fairly sound

  I guess Nashville was the roughest

  But I know I've said the same about them all

  We received our education

  In the cities of the nation

  Me and Paul

  Almost busted in Laredo

  But for reasons that I'd rather not disclose

  But if you're staying in a motel there and leave

  Just don't leave nothing in your clothes

  And at the airport in Milwaukee

  They refused to let us board the plane at all

  They said we looked suspicious

  But I believe they like to pick on

  Me and Paul

  On a package show in Buffalo

  With us and Kitty Wells and Charley Pride

  The show was long and we're just sitting there

  And we'd come to play and not just for the ride

  Well, we drank a lot of whiskey

  So I don't know if we went on that night at all

  I don't think they even missed us

  I guess Buffalo ain't geared for

  Me and Paul

  CUT TO THIRTY YEARS LATER …

  Saturday, April 7

  BUFFALO, NEW YORK, WAS SORT OF COLD and rainy, but the crowd was warm and receptive. We played more than two hours. The sound in the theater was so good. Sister Bobbie thought everything sounded good, and she has a good ear for that kind of thing.

  John Rosenfelder from Island Records came by with some friends. Later, Heidi Raphael, Mickey's beautiful wife, came by the bus with some of her relatives. They are just as nice as she is.

  I saw some of the video footage that David Anderson shot tonight. Some of the shots from the back let me know that I have some more running to do.

  We just left Nashville where I went into the studio and recorded a Bernie Taupin–Matt Serletic song called “Mendocino County Line.” Lee Ann Womack sang with me. She is a fellow Texan, from east Texas, I think around Jacksonville. She sings wonderful. I was proud to sing with her. The song will be on my new CD, The Great Divide, due to be released on Island in a few months.

  Sheryl Crow, Rob Thomas, Kid Rock, Bonnie Raitt, Brian McKnight, Lee Ann Womack, the Jordanaires, Alison Krauss, the Waters Family, and a great band lent their talent on The Great Divide. Thanks to you all.

  The Great Divide

  Here we are, standing where the highways cross

  Here we are, saying goodbye

  Here we are acting like two crazy kids

  We've come too far, to ever see it end like this

  Just another love lost in the great divide

  Remember how we used to dance together

  Remember how I used to hold you tight

  You ask me if I'd leave and I said never

  And that's still right

  Summer sun, no prettier than summer rain

  Some are gone, and some are coming back again

  Other loves, lost in the great divide

  Herky Williams, my longtime friend and ASCAP rep in Nashville; my manager, Mark Rothbaum; Steve Hauser, a booking agent from William Morris; and I played a round of golf yesterday at Herky's home course, the Old Natchez Trail, a beautiful golf course outside of Nashville. The weather cooperated, and we all played just bad enough to stay friends.

  THAT REMINDS ME OF A JOKE.…

  There were a bunch of policemen standing around a woman's body out in the center of the fairway at the local country club. A lone golfer was standing with his driver in his hand. The policeman asked what happened. “Well, officer,” the guy said, “I didn't see her. I swear I didn't see her! I hit a shot right down the middle and it hit her in the head. I really did not see her.”

  One officer said, “Well, sir. That explains the ball to the head. But what about that other one we found in her rectum?”

  The guy said, “Oh, yes. That was my mulligan.”

  It was just an old Titleist 2

  But it did what it intended to do

  We met in the fairway, balled in the stairway

  Thanks to the old Titleist 2

  The blonde went into the body shop to get a couple of dents fixed in her car. The guy at the body shop decided to play a joke on the blonde. He said, “You can save a lot of money if you want to. Blow on the exhaust pipe and all the dents will come out of your car.” The blonde said, “Thanks, I'll try that!”

  She went home, parked in the driveway, crawled under the car, and started blowing on the exhaust pipe. She was blowing and blowing when her friend, another blonde, came over and said, “What in the hell are you doing?”

  The first blonde said, “I'm trying to blow the dents out of my car.”

  Her friend said, “Duh! You've gotta roll up the windows!”

  LEAVING HOUSTON AND going to Nashville was not really a hard choice for me. It was time. I had a hit song. “Family Bible” was #1 in the charts, and my 1941 Buick had just about enough life left in it to get me there—maybe. It actually made the trip without a problem. However, it did immediately settle into the earth forever after it delivered me safely to Nashville. May it forever rest in peace.

  I wrote this song on that first trip to Nashville.…

  I'm Gonna Lose a Lot of Teardrops

  I'm going 'round in circles

  Acting like a fool

  I played the game of love

  And I don't even know the rules

  I gave my heart to someone

  She broke it just today

  And I'm gonna lose a lot of teardrops this way

  I suppose I should be careful

  But how wa
s I to know

  She looked so sweet and innocent

  But that's the way it goes

  It happens to the best of us

  At least that's what they say

  But I'm gonna lose a lot of teardrops this way

  Something sure had better change

  But what am I to do

  Surely there's someone around

  Who needs a love that's true

  But I guess I'll keep on searching

  But one thing I can say

  I'm gonna lose a lot of teardrops this way

  Touch Me

  Touch me

  Touch the hand of the man

  Who once owned all the world

  Touch me

  Touch the arms that once held

  All the charms of the world's sweetest girl

  Touch me

  Maybe someday you may need

  To know how it feels when you lose

  So touch me

  Then you'll know

  How it feels when you lose

  My first album

  Watch me

  Watch the eyes that have seen

  All the heartache and pain in the land

  And be thankful

  That you're happy, though standing

  So close to the world's bluest man

  Don't forget me

  Take a good look at someone who's lost

  Everything he can lose

  And touch me

  Then you'll know

  How you feel with the blues

  Crazy

  Crazy

  Crazy for feeling so lonely

  I'm crazy

  Crazy for feeling so blue

  I knew

  You'd love me as long as you wanted

  And then someday

  You'd leave me for somebody new

  Worry